In case you forgot...

I thought you should read this

(i wanted you to read this)



Lord, I apologize...
Ok, so I guess that this is the post where I come clean about all the crap I've pulled in the past, and reconcile it, so that I can become a better person in the future. Before you read this know one thing (my disclaimer) - I'm better now. So here goes, don't hate me, cuz If you're reading this, it's cuz I love you. All names in the following post have been omitted to protect the innocent.

I can't name every person I've slept with. What's worse, is the things I've done to the people I have, and the people that care most about me. Starting with the first guy. I told him I miscarried his kid, because I was angry about him taking my virginity and dumping me. After that, I took another guy's virginity, and dumped him, told my mom he was my first instead of the other guy (I really did love him) and she called the police and said he raped me. Speaking of rape, I told my ex that a guy raped me and really all I did was cheat on him. Yeah, technically it was rape, because I was only 15 and he did kinda push it on me, but if I look back to the situation, right before the deed, he asked me if I really wanted to stop, and I told him to go ahead. I went from there to break a bunch of hearts, and play with a bunch of emotions. I said the L-word very liberally when I really didn't feel it- I just wanted someone to say it back. When they finally did, I strung them along till I was bored, and threw them out- making each and every one feel like it was their fault, when really, I was just trying to free myself up for the person I was screwing around on them with. Flash forward through all of that- I start having serious feelings for this guy, true feelings, and, well, I'm not sure exactly why, but I ask his best friend to the prom. I thought his friend was super-hot, and a fantastic person, but I wasn't really interested in who he was, but what he was- and I admit, I didn't know it then, but I know it now. So I kiss the guy- I could tell at the time he was against it, but I didn't care. I kinda pressured him into it, and I knew he wasn't comfortable. I find no spark there, so I ask the guy I know I really have feelings for to marry me, like the next day. As if he didn't have enough on his mind, graduating and all. So, he says yes, and I'm thrilled for about a week. He blows me off on what was, at the time, the most important day of my life. So I wait, and wait, he never comes, and I just go on to my graduation party, get totally blitzd, and mess around with MY best friend. This goes on for about a week, until my best friend meets the girl he's with today. So, feeling guilty, I try to revisit the feelings I have for my fiancee, and it goes ok for a while. Eventually I feel bad, and again, to this day, I think he believes the breakup was his fault. Surprise. Me again. So from there, I go on to have other relationships, and now that I'm an "adult" it's Ok to "date" so I use the term "seeing other people" a little liberally. My pattern continues, 2 more fiancees until April of 2000(all within 2 years of the first one) . I meet my current husband. I still have thoughts about past relationships and reveisiting them again. 3 people in particular, all of which I never technically "had sex" with... I think the only three since 1994, as a matter of fact. So I tell him there's something missing in my life. At this point I'm doing nothing with it but going o work, (I dropped out of college at this point) and getting high. I want direction, but end up with a baby. So I guess this is where I end up changing, I hope. These are my cards, I think I lucked out considering what I really deserve. I still wonder "what if" a lot, but I keep going because as self-destructive as I really was, now it's not just me, and I have to protect my innocent little girl from people like me.

Re: I thought you should read this

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus...

When are you coming back to New England?

hey bitch... WHERE THE CRAP IS MY MIX TAPE?

Yeah yeah, you'll get your filthy tape (if I didn't lose it again ;x)